Call to the Bull Pen...

After 30 years in the booth John Madden is retiring from the Sunday Night Football broadcast team. I can’t wait to play Joe Buck Football 2010…

Greg Paulus, four year guard at Duke, will compete for the starting QB job at Michigan as a graduate student. In a related story, Greg Paulus evidently choose the wrong sport coming out of High School. In another related story, Greg Paulus will definitely not win the Michigan quarterback job. On a related side note, congratulations to Greg Paulus for getting into the prestigious Grad program at Michigan; he may actually have a future in something after all.

Did anyone else notice that John Madden’s retirement has come in the same offseason as one Brett Farve? I guess Madden realized he didn’t have anything to talk about anymore…

The NBA playoffs are about to start, and it seems that the Cavs and the Lakers are destined to meet. With Manu out for the Spurs in the West and KG perhaps out in the East, there is no excuse for these two teams not to reach the finals. Unfortunately, there is also no excitement up until the championship. Hopefully someone like the Magic or Jazz can step up and add some tension into these playoffs.

A couple replacements for Madden that are rumored to be floating around:

1. Bill Maher- Given the success that cocky, political, condescending comics have had in the past he seems like a sure fire winner.

2. Barak Obama- Have you heard about this guy? Apparently he’s a great speaker. I dunno if hes gunna get the job, but i sure hope he does...

3. Michael Strahan- I love Stray and he will definitely have free time after his terrible sitcom gets canceled. I give it three episodes.

4. Terry Bradshaw- Al Michaels and a blabbering idiot seems to be NBC’s recipe for success, so why not stick to the script?

There is nothing better than baseball season. Spring is in the air and your team plays pretty much every single day. This year I can really feel it for the Mets. With a new stadium and the spirit of Jackie Robinson in their favor, they can’t be stopped. Black history isn’t just a month for the 2009 New York Mets, it’s a way of life.

Hulk Hogan said that as a result of his divorce he can relate to O.J. Simpson. By that he obviously means that his ex-wife took half his memorabilia in the divorce and he wants it back. To his credit, that is a fair point. Oh, and he also means that he wants to stab her multiple times with a knife until she dies…

Of course O.J. wasn’t guilty so its inappropriate to act as though he was. You know what they say, ‘Never assume, it makes you look like a dick.’

Team of the week? The Pittsburgh Pirates. Its been a long time since anyone has said, 'man, we are really having trouble beating these pirates, they're killin' us.' Just take it at face value and enjoy it, Nate Mclouth.

The Weak that Was...

As I sit and watch Pitt lose, I now have now lost 3 of my final 4, my runner-up and my national champion. I really thought that this was gunna be the year...

I want to see the conversation an eighteen year old has with his father once hes made this life choice:
"Dad, I know what I want to do with my life."
"Let me guess son, Doctor?"
"No, father."
"Lawyer, like me?" (Turns towards the hallway) "Cheryl, come in here! Derek is telling me he wants to follow in my foot-"
"No, father, I dont want to be a lawyer. Gosh, you never listen."
(The father looks back, disappointment and embarrassment on his face) "Well, then what?"
"I have decided I am going to be bracketologist."

The NBA is in great hands with thier next generation of stars, Lebron, D. Howard, D. Wade and CP3. Watching how good these guys are on the court and how good they are off the court has further evidenced my long standing feeling that Micheal Jordan got away with being kind of a huge dickhead throughout his career just because he was so good at the game. I am sure A-Rod has noticed that too.

If there was a fantasy wiffle ball league on yahoo, I am pretty confident I would be owned by at least 18% of fantasy owners...

I am getting sick and tired of everyone talking about how there are no Cinderellas in this years tourney and how it is ruining it. First of all people are talking about how there is no longer any parody, when only 2 or 3 years ago everyone was talking about how the parody in NCAA basketball was unparalled in this era of the one-and-done player. Also, if there is a classic Cinderella story every year doesnt that water down the taste a bit? Isn't rarity a key facet in what makes a Cinderella a Cinderella? And call me crazy, but I like seeing good teams play good teams.

I was talking with A-Rod about his alleged fling with Madam Kristen Davis who spent time in prision for running the same hooker ring that brought down the former New York Governor just last year. A-Rod admitted to me that he did indeed "hit that like an inside fastball" and that he "had her bent over like she was fielding a grounder." We laughed, as we often do, and then I asked the tough question. I said "Al, how was the head, does she swallow?"
"Unfortunately," he responded, "Shes a spitzer."

Well, The WBC happened again. I see the 'world,' and the 'baseball,' I am just waiting for it to be 'classic.'

I want to get dunked on by Patrick Chewing...