Booth Review: The Last Two Weeks

- I have never been so worried about one of my teams when their 11-3 as I am about the Giants. That is partially because I’ve never been a fan of an 11-3 team before, and partially because they have looked embarrassingly miserable these last two games. The G have derailed the hope train and better get it back on track this Sunday. LETS GO G!

- Did anyone see the play in the Giants Cowboys game when Tuck sacked Romo in the end zone for a safety? The offensive line didn’t even move when the ball was snapped. I guess they didn’t know the snap count for the ‘Witten TE Fly’ play call. That’s why secret plays never work, miscommunications.

- I wish I was in the meeting when Vince Vaughn and his agent got together at the peak of his career and decided it was time to transition into Tim Allen mode and only make Christmas movies. Great career choice, it worked wonders for Tim the Tool Man. I'm sure the "Four Christmases" script was a cant pass up opportunity, but come on. Now both stars of Wedding Crashers have tried to commit suicide, career or otherwise.

- The New York Mets realized that they were the only big money team that was trying to sign K-Rod and they skimmed around $20 million off the projected deal. The Yankees realized they were the only big money team that was going after C.C. Sabathia and they added 20 million to the projected deal. How Brain Cashman keeps his job is beyond me…

- How do you even go about calling a secret play in the huddle? “All right guys, were running the deep post to T.O.” (winks at Witten, gives him that gay smug Romo grin)...

- I was talking with fellow ‘3-man Weave’ mind Ryan Parker who claimed that he was at the game when A-Rod hit his 500th homer and he didn’t even clap. As a matter of fact, he booed. This gets to the core of my argument that A-Rod is in the biggest lose-lose situation ever and that Yankee fans doom themselves by mistreating their sensitive star. And, while we are on the Yankees, how is the Red Sox/Yanks rivalry real when the Yankees may sign Manny and own 2/3s of the first WS champion Red Sox outfield. Are you not supposed to despise your enemies, not embrace them?

- If T.O. is Truman Burbank, and Romo is Marlon, does that make Jerry Jones Christof?
(Sitting on the docks drinking a six pack) :
Romo: “The last thing I would ever do, is lie to you... I mean think about it, Terrell. (cut to: Jerry Jones with the headset, reciting the dialogue in his ear.) “ If everybody is in on it. Then I'd have to be in on it too."(T.O. holds back tears, emotions are intense)…

- Bills back-up and former face of the franchise J.P. Losman is funny to me. Hes like the ghost of what Eli almost was. But then, of course, Eli turned into a Superbowl Champion.

- The Giants, who last year sent 1 player the Pro Bowl (and won the Superbowl), sent 6 this year. Eli finally got there, which is great. We also sent both our punter and our field goal kicker which is great because, as they say, kicking wins championships.

- Question to ponder: Are we human? or are we dancer?

Booth Review: The Week that Was...

-- Unless you've been living under a rock for the past five days you've heard that Plaxico Burress, New York Giant WR, shot himself in the leg this weekend at a Manhattan Club. Now, this story has been on the Daily Show, The Colbert Report and every other program known to man, so I won't get into how he was sporting sweatpants at the club, or that he may have fucked the Giants' Superbowl hopes and tarnished the reputation of stand-up middle linebacker Antonio Pierce etc… All I want to say is this: How can you go to jail for three years for shooting yourself? Isn't the trauma of nearly shooting your dick off punishment enough? Listen, Plax is a retard, he should have gotten a permit, hired a bodyguard or just not carried a gun, but he doesn't deserve to get his life ruined because he over estimated the strength of the elastic band in his sweatpants. I wonder if those were team issue?

- --- The Braves got Javier Vasquez yesterday. Bug Selig may need to step in if they keep this up or the rest of the NL East may just forfeit. Sweet offseason moves, Braves. In a similar move, the Astros signed 1998's own, Mike Hampton. Contention, here they come!

- --- Is Matt Ryan's rookie season better than any season Mike Vick ever had in his entire career? 90% of the league would come to terms with a few hung, beaten and drowned dogs if they could void the huge contract of an overrated player and upgrade the position. The only easier out for a team would be something ridiculous, like a self inflicted gunshot wound.

- - -- I went to my first Knicks game yesterday. We lost. There were two foreign gentleman sitting in front of us watching there first basketball game. These guys didnt understand the game well, and asked us at one point what we were saying during the "De-Fense" chant. We explained and for the rest of the day they chanted that at all possible times. This marks the first time someone has gone to a Mike D'Antoni game and come away learning about Defense.

- - -- T-Mac is out three weeks with some knee issue that is probably going to lead to a re-aggravation of his back. I love T-Mac but he is like Grant Hill with osteoporosis. It's hard to win that allusive first playoff series when you're always the 6^th or 7^th seed because you miss 30 games a year. With that said, his team has a 26% winning percentage when he is injured, so all those people who say he is overrated, you're wrong.

- --- The Big East has 8 teams in the top 25. Thats a lotta teams. 'Cuse v. UConn in the National Title Game, which will be a rematch of the Big East Championship. You heard it hear first.

- --- I know the economy is rough, so all I want for Christmas is "12 Play 4^th Quarter," the new album by R. Kelly. His first single "Hair Braider" really speaks to me.

IN DA CLUB REMIX! 50 Cent feat. lil Plaxico
"you can find me in the club, sweatpants with a snub,

look mami, my name is Plax and i'm thinkin ima thug,

i'm into packin' teks and i'm into shootin slugs

so give the hospital a buzz cuz my leg is leakin blood..."

The Patrick Ewing Theory

- The hunt for Lebron is on and everywhere you turn people are trying to figure where he is going to land. If you ask me, it is a two man race, barely. Before I get into that, allow me to rule out all other contenders:

1. The Nets: Jay-Z may be the man, but playing for the Nets
sucks. What history do the Nets Have? None. Where do they play? New Fuckin' Jersey. They are not going to move to Brooklyn, and even if they did the Knicks would still be king in this city. Bottom line is, I had free Nets tickets two weeks ago and chose not to go because the team is sad and depressing, and they play in Newark.

2. The Bulls: There is no way in hell he is going to the Bulls. If he goes to NY he is a legend with one ring and can elevate from there. If he goes to the Windy City its 6 or bust.

3. Detroit: The D may not even exist anymore in 2010. They're savior better be Obama, not Lebron.

Lebron is going to stay in Cleveland or come on home to the Big Apple, and here is why I think he is heading to the bright lights of the city. This is something that has been brewing for a while, and I have been in a unique position to pick up on it, being that I play a central role. Let me break down for you the "Patrick Ewing Theory."

I have always been the world's biggest Patrick Ewing fan. Throughout my youth I watched every Ewing game possible, made my first AIM screen name was pbEWING33, and truly worshiped the mans every move. I have often contended that, during the short shorts era, when Ewing needed his dick taped to his leg, I would have certainly considered being an intern to the trainer. I'm not saying I'm gay, I'm just saying…

Little did I know that this was not a passion, but a destiny, a fanship spawned by the cosmos, designed by a power far greater then I shall ever know. Please, stay with me.

- Patrick Ewing wore number 33 during his years as a Knick. Many of you may recognize that number. That is because it is the age that Jesus was when he died to save the human race.

- Patrick Ewing was drafted in 1986, the same year I was born into this world, and more specifically into this great state of New York. Two New York stars bursting onto the scene at the same time, unknowingly set to change the basketball landscape forever. Together.

Now, if you have not followed, via the transitive property, I have an undeniable connection to Patrick Ewing, basketball God, and Jesus Christ, son of God.

- In the beginning of this millennium I went away to school out of the state of New York, the same year a deal was made with the Devil that sent Patrick Ewing to the Seattle Sonics, leading to the biblical fall from grace for the Knicks. The Knicks, a proud and graceful franchise, would be ruined by none other then Isaiah Thomas, whose name is no coincidence. If I may quote the bible:

"The land will be completely laid waste and totally plundered. The
LORD has spoken this word." (Isaiah 24:3).

Indeed, Thomas plundered the Knicks, leaving them desperate, desecrated, and in need of heavenly revival. Not yet fully grasping my personal significance in this apocalyptic collapse, I watched from a distance, my permanent residence remaining outside of the state of New York for the next seven or so years, as the dark shadow expanded over the Knick Empire.

- Mid 2008 I unknowingly made my triumphant return, or as some may say 'resurrection,' once again making The Big Apple my home. Almost immediately the miracles began:

The Seattle Sonics were immediately killed and their souls sent away to eternal damnation in Oklahoma City for what they had done to Ewing and the Knicks. If you need further evidence of this, notice the Knicks colors embedded in that disgusting uniforms the Thunder must wear as punishment.

Isaiah Thomas is finally and immediately canned after a tenure that dragged out so painfully long through blunder after blunder, that this theory is literally the only reasonable way to explain it.

Mike D'Antoni is brought in from the Suns, bring more then a metaphorical ray of light to the franchise. A new era is brought in, the Knicks are revived and winning, and within a mere 11 games cap space is cleared for the second coming: Lebron James. Indeed it was a plan far more elaborate and sacred then any of us could have ever imagined.

Now, I take no credit for this, I am merely a servant and a messenger, but it seems clear that the Theory of Ewing is real. Lebron may try and stay in Cleveland and test the will of the Lord. He may believe that a mortal "King" is more powerful than divine will, and if he does he will have to face the fate that awaits him. But I feel that he is smarter then that. I think he will realize his destiny to become the Second Coming of Patrick Ewing (sorry Patrick Ewing Jr.) and lead the Knicks to the Promise Land.


Getting Chris Bosh wouldn't hurt the decision making process either.